My life. Wow. When I was little, maybe four or five, I told my parents I was moving to California. Who would guess that little girl was right? Even through my darker years in Middle School and High School I always wanted to travel, have adventure, and live a life of purpose. I just never thought this is what it would look like. I am beyond blessed.
However, as a child there were a few things I didn't anticipate along the way: sexual abuse, heart-ache, disappointment, rejection, loss, and betrayal. Rather than deal with them right away, I chose a life of addictions. 8 years ago I encountered the reality of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, and my life has never been the same.
I have faced trials, I've overcome monsters, I've wrestled with the inner core of myself and with God. And now the time has come to do these things again.
Externally the battle that will be seen is my battle with weight. But this isn't the major battle. The major battle is internal, in my mind. The major battle is with the thoughts that hold me captive. The major thought is "who you are is wrong and unworthy of love."
I have no idea what this process is going to look like, but I've said yes to the journey. And it's exciting if you really think about. I mean, what makes for a good story? An evil villain (in this case my thoughts and past and the demons that conjure them up), an epic adventure, and an unlikely hero. Check, check, and check. And what I love about doing this with God is that his promise is that all things will work together for good for those who love him. And through the ups and downs of the past year, that hasn't changed. I love him. So regardless of what happens, I know good will come. (Please remind me of this when I'm in the middle of walking through this fire screaming "It hurts--I don't want to!")
On top of this transformational process, I am also planning to complete 28 doctoral credits by December 31st, 2014 in hopes of having my thesis written and completed for graduation in June, 2015. I have also committed myself to EPIC Leadership Center. I work with amazing people, and so one of my goals for this year (and the next..and probable for as long as I'm with the organization), is to learn and be shaped into the leader God would have me to be within the organization. In English, I want to be worthy of the call and know at the end of each day I've done my absolute best and left it all on the field. That actually goes for my whole life.
My plan is to blog about my journey. I will either post a personal post, like this one, that is more my musings and ramblings on life and the personal journey God has me on, or I will post an educational or professional transformation post (or whatever other titles come up along the way). My hope is to invite you into my transformational process and journey. Plus, blogging keeps me reflective and honest on my experiences in life, meaning it's a beneficial discipline for me to engage in, even if no one reads this. :)
I would love your comments, encouragements, thoughts, etc if you have any when you read this.
Well, for now, I'm out. I think I'm going back to the gym....I think...I've been there once...but maybe a two a day would be good?! Dilemmas. :)
With love,
AZ
Friday, January 10, 2014
Ramblings on Transitions and Transformations
After a three month blogging break I'm back.
It's hard to describe my transition back into full time ministry and back to Southern California. In many ways it has been amazing. I work with an incredible team of people, so diverse in personalities and gifts, yet holding love firm. I love the kiddos. I couldn't ask for a better Board of Directors (loving, supportive, and fully engaged in the process). I enjoy dreaming and strategizing about what's next for EPIC. And they fully equip me and train me to do what I need to do and what they ask me to do. They encourage me to take care of me in the midst of carrying out the work we have to do. It's such a HEALTHY environment.
Yet it's been difficult in some aspects too. Everything happened so quickly. As of March last year, I had no idea what I was going to do. I feel like it was an "and suddenly" season for me. I decided towards the beginning of April that I wanted to pursue my doctorate through BGU, and realized although I was hurt and nervous to jump back into ministry, it really was where I belonged. I began making plans to move to Ecuador to work with sex-trafficking issues. Then,out of the blue, I'm offered this amazing opportunity with EPIC that hits on all of the core dreams in my heart; passions and desires the Lord had been arousing me throughout the last three years. I said yes, and from there I feel like life has been a non-stop whirlwind, where I'm trying to catch my breath. I miss friends and family. And probably hardest of all, in many ways it feels like I'm starting all over again, building a new life in a new place. Aspects of this are exciting--super exciting actually and fill me with joy and hope-filled expectation--but aspects of this are difficult. Especially because there are parts of my heart that are still tender as a result of what happened the last time around.
I feel like in a weird way these first few months here were full of soul searching. At the same time, aspects of life felt like a machine that had been turned off for a while, and was slowly beginning to spin back into motion (think old gears starting to turn and crank, like an old-school train starting and gaining speed).
The word the Lord gave me for this season was rebirthing. In John 3:3 Jesus said "Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again." In Romans we read "be transformed by the renewing of your mind" and in Corinthians "we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." As I reflect on my rebirthing season, I'm realizing what I'm in is a deeper level of transformation. The Lord is transforming me. We talk about transformation a lot at EPIC, as our hope through our work is partner in transforming vulnerable communities into thriving, healthy, and holistic communities. Transformation is the process of a frog becoming a prince.
Transformation is a process, one we are to daily be involved with as Christians. As I participate in this season of life I'm realizing how short I've sold this idea of transformation, and how important it is for us as individuals and communities to constantly be involved in the transformation process if we want to see global change. What I mean is we have to be transforming if we want to invite the world into transformation. It's not a one time thing. It's an ongoing thing. Daily be transformed.
As I press in to all 2014 has for me, I am pressing into my own personal transformation process. I know when all is said and done, I won't recognize myself. And you know what, that's ok. I've been afraid of letting go for so long, but I know God, I know who he is and what he does, and if he's asking me to pursue this journey, I trust him fully, whatever the results.
Until next time,
Annie
It's hard to describe my transition back into full time ministry and back to Southern California. In many ways it has been amazing. I work with an incredible team of people, so diverse in personalities and gifts, yet holding love firm. I love the kiddos. I couldn't ask for a better Board of Directors (loving, supportive, and fully engaged in the process). I enjoy dreaming and strategizing about what's next for EPIC. And they fully equip me and train me to do what I need to do and what they ask me to do. They encourage me to take care of me in the midst of carrying out the work we have to do. It's such a HEALTHY environment.
Yet it's been difficult in some aspects too. Everything happened so quickly. As of March last year, I had no idea what I was going to do. I feel like it was an "and suddenly" season for me. I decided towards the beginning of April that I wanted to pursue my doctorate through BGU, and realized although I was hurt and nervous to jump back into ministry, it really was where I belonged. I began making plans to move to Ecuador to work with sex-trafficking issues. Then,out of the blue, I'm offered this amazing opportunity with EPIC that hits on all of the core dreams in my heart; passions and desires the Lord had been arousing me throughout the last three years. I said yes, and from there I feel like life has been a non-stop whirlwind, where I'm trying to catch my breath. I miss friends and family. And probably hardest of all, in many ways it feels like I'm starting all over again, building a new life in a new place. Aspects of this are exciting--super exciting actually and fill me with joy and hope-filled expectation--but aspects of this are difficult. Especially because there are parts of my heart that are still tender as a result of what happened the last time around.
I feel like in a weird way these first few months here were full of soul searching. At the same time, aspects of life felt like a machine that had been turned off for a while, and was slowly beginning to spin back into motion (think old gears starting to turn and crank, like an old-school train starting and gaining speed).
The word the Lord gave me for this season was rebirthing. In John 3:3 Jesus said "Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again." In Romans we read "be transformed by the renewing of your mind" and in Corinthians "we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." As I reflect on my rebirthing season, I'm realizing what I'm in is a deeper level of transformation. The Lord is transforming me. We talk about transformation a lot at EPIC, as our hope through our work is partner in transforming vulnerable communities into thriving, healthy, and holistic communities. Transformation is the process of a frog becoming a prince.
Transformation is a process, one we are to daily be involved with as Christians. As I participate in this season of life I'm realizing how short I've sold this idea of transformation, and how important it is for us as individuals and communities to constantly be involved in the transformation process if we want to see global change. What I mean is we have to be transforming if we want to invite the world into transformation. It's not a one time thing. It's an ongoing thing. Daily be transformed.
As I press in to all 2014 has for me, I am pressing into my own personal transformation process. I know when all is said and done, I won't recognize myself. And you know what, that's ok. I've been afraid of letting go for so long, but I know God, I know who he is and what he does, and if he's asking me to pursue this journey, I trust him fully, whatever the results.
Until next time,
Annie
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Nigeria Day 1: Behold the Power of Education
Nelson Mandela has a famous quotation that reads like this “Education is the most powerful weapon we have in the world today.” Amen.
As educators you literally hold the keys of the future in your hands. You have the divine potential to unlock the greatest resources the Lord has given us...our children. Their ideas, their dreams, their possibilities, their talents, their hopes, their gifting, their imaginations, their character and development; you, as an educator, have a huge role in unleashing, forming and transforming this things in a way that can literally bring change to the world.
I am honored today to be a part of helping to shape educators in Nigeria. Today I have had the privilege of hearing these teacher’s dreams and desires for themselves, their students, their city and their nation and it is incredible, humbling, awing and inspiring.
I truly believe Africa holds keys to global restoration and transformation, and these teachers are vital in that process as they directly influence, train and form the youth that will be tomorrow’s leaders.
Critical thinking is our focus here in Nigeria. How do we become critical thinkers? How do we begin to evaluate what we are doing? How do we train our students to become critical thinkers so that they can develop and become responses to critical issues facing our world today? We mix in with critical thinking the Golden Rule, as interpreted by Eugene Petersen: “Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them.” With this we teach the six pillars of character put out by the Josephson institute: trustworthiness, fairness, respect, responsibility, caring and citizenship. Now close your eyes. Imagine what the world would look like if these traits were embodied and partnered with critical thinking. What would the crisis in Syria look like? In US inner cities? In war torn Congo? What if we began to live this out? How different would society look? Would your neighborhood look? Would your family look? I think it is so important and so powerful, critical in our world today.
I am so excited and encourage by what I have experienced here today with the teachers. They are grasping and wrestling with these concepts and moving beyond a world they have known into a world full of new possibilities. And they will be able to bring their pupils along this journey. I cannot wait to see what Nigeria looks like thirty years from now as a result of the work of these individuals in the life of their students; as a result of what the student’s are doing in bringing these character traits to life. God is so good, amen?
“We must be the change we wish to see in the world.” I think the Golden Rule is the way we do this. My challenge to you today is to “ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them.” And watch the world be transformed, one act of love at at time.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Dreams of yesterday, todays future, todays reality.
God is so funny. Two years ago I had a vision where I was with the Lord in a sweet place, a place of intimacy, a place of deep pondering, a place of his heart, looking out a window. I should fill in here that often I see the Lord like a lion, and in this vision that is in fact what he was. He was a lion looking out the window, almost sad, like he was thinking about something that troubled his heart. Then I was with him around a strategizing table with blueprints spread out. I saw his paws spill wine and then walk over the blue prints, putting big red wine stained paw prints on them. I followed him as he walked and the next image was me holding little dark skinned children and I knew the Lord was saying more than strategy, what matters is to love them and love them well.
Around this same time my heart began to ache for the children of my neighborhood. At the time I lived in East Hollywood and had learned about various gangs that existed there. Part of the initiation process for a certain gang that started in this neighborhood was killing. 7-9 year olds seeking to be in the gang were told to kill as many of the rival gang as they could--whoever had the most kills was in. My heart wrenched at this--I thought "we talk about child soldiers overseas and in wars, but we never address the child soldiers and the daily wars existing in our backyard." Though this was a reality in my heart, I didn't know what to do with it. So I did what I could--I loved the neighborhood and prayed.
When the time came to transition from Los Angeles for a season, I received prayer and the word given to me was that I would be like the Pied Piper, leading the children nobody wanted.
This began to stir things in me. When I first came to know the Lord and felt a call to missions my heart was drawn to go overseas and start an orphanage and love the lost and forgotten children. As I grew in the Lord he began to reveal more of his calling to me--that I was made for social justice, for leadership, for systemic change, for reformation. This led to various years working to combat sex trafficking, forced prostitution and systemic poverty. Yet even in that season I was drawn to children and youth. I didn't know how to make the two world collide, but I knew God was shifting things in me and bringing forth different desires of my heart.
As I spent a year at home, I would watch movies like "Freedom Writers" and pray things like "Lord I want to be like that. I want to make an impact on youth. If you can teach them you can change the neighborhood and a society." I took a class on emotionally intelligent leadership and sparked in me was a desire to train others in what I had learned; to set up resource centers for children and parents to learn how to take care of themselves and love each other well. I thought about going to school for education, for law, for human rights... for something that could open doors to do what I wanted to do, what was still forming in me. I was looking for the how of my desires.
Then out of the blue I was offered a job that brought it all together. EPIC works with children, youth and families teaching everyday leadership so that people can be empowered to become the change they wish to see in their context and lead others in true leadership; embodying the Golden Rule. I'm working stateside with at-risk and vulnerable youth and children. Tomorrow I get to fly overseas with an amazing team and help train Nigerian teachers how to become critical thinkers so that they can help their students become critical thinkers who live out moral and ethical character in everyday leadership. I'm living the desires of my heart. I'm living out the dreams and visions God gave me.
You know, people have asked if I'm worried or nervous going. Not at all. I'm actually really excited and feel an anticipation in my heart and spirit about what God is going to do. I look forward to making new friends and holding these precious kiddos. I already love them.
As I wrote this tonight in reflection on going to Africa tomorrow, this is what I'm thinking and want you to pray with me. Where I am today started with dreams,visions and desires years ago. I think God does something in our dreams and visions that allows us to carry out what he is asking us to do...like they serve as a preparation for things to come. They prepare our hearts to respond, to hope, to dream things we haven't imagined. I want this for Nigeria. I want the work we do to spark in the teachers there dreams for their pupils, dreams for their nations, dreams for themselves they never thought possible. I want them to encounter God's heart for their nation and in that catch a glimpse of where God is taking them and the vital role they play in shaping young people. I want them to go bigger and imagine wilder then they have dared to before. I want to join them in praying these things forward for their children and nation. I want to see them wrecked by God.. I want to be wrecked by God with them.
I cannot wait to sit with these precious children, teachers, administrators, and people of God. I cannot wait to learn from them, with them, and to impart what God has given me to impart to them. I am excited to create art with them and I pray these times of art would shatter any limits they may have in expression and creativity and would open floodgates of creativity, freedom and new thinking.
I'm so ready to go. So so ready. Pray for us. Pray that in every second we find ourselves in the center of God's palm in the midst of his will for us, covered and smothered in his goodness, love, mercy and grace. Pray that exactly what God wants to have happen would happen.
I love you. May you find yourself in the place I have just prayed we would be found.
AZ
Around this same time my heart began to ache for the children of my neighborhood. At the time I lived in East Hollywood and had learned about various gangs that existed there. Part of the initiation process for a certain gang that started in this neighborhood was killing. 7-9 year olds seeking to be in the gang were told to kill as many of the rival gang as they could--whoever had the most kills was in. My heart wrenched at this--I thought "we talk about child soldiers overseas and in wars, but we never address the child soldiers and the daily wars existing in our backyard." Though this was a reality in my heart, I didn't know what to do with it. So I did what I could--I loved the neighborhood and prayed.
When the time came to transition from Los Angeles for a season, I received prayer and the word given to me was that I would be like the Pied Piper, leading the children nobody wanted.
This began to stir things in me. When I first came to know the Lord and felt a call to missions my heart was drawn to go overseas and start an orphanage and love the lost and forgotten children. As I grew in the Lord he began to reveal more of his calling to me--that I was made for social justice, for leadership, for systemic change, for reformation. This led to various years working to combat sex trafficking, forced prostitution and systemic poverty. Yet even in that season I was drawn to children and youth. I didn't know how to make the two world collide, but I knew God was shifting things in me and bringing forth different desires of my heart.
As I spent a year at home, I would watch movies like "Freedom Writers" and pray things like "Lord I want to be like that. I want to make an impact on youth. If you can teach them you can change the neighborhood and a society." I took a class on emotionally intelligent leadership and sparked in me was a desire to train others in what I had learned; to set up resource centers for children and parents to learn how to take care of themselves and love each other well. I thought about going to school for education, for law, for human rights... for something that could open doors to do what I wanted to do, what was still forming in me. I was looking for the how of my desires.
Then out of the blue I was offered a job that brought it all together. EPIC works with children, youth and families teaching everyday leadership so that people can be empowered to become the change they wish to see in their context and lead others in true leadership; embodying the Golden Rule. I'm working stateside with at-risk and vulnerable youth and children. Tomorrow I get to fly overseas with an amazing team and help train Nigerian teachers how to become critical thinkers so that they can help their students become critical thinkers who live out moral and ethical character in everyday leadership. I'm living the desires of my heart. I'm living out the dreams and visions God gave me.
You know, people have asked if I'm worried or nervous going. Not at all. I'm actually really excited and feel an anticipation in my heart and spirit about what God is going to do. I look forward to making new friends and holding these precious kiddos. I already love them.
As I wrote this tonight in reflection on going to Africa tomorrow, this is what I'm thinking and want you to pray with me. Where I am today started with dreams,visions and desires years ago. I think God does something in our dreams and visions that allows us to carry out what he is asking us to do...like they serve as a preparation for things to come. They prepare our hearts to respond, to hope, to dream things we haven't imagined. I want this for Nigeria. I want the work we do to spark in the teachers there dreams for their pupils, dreams for their nations, dreams for themselves they never thought possible. I want them to encounter God's heart for their nation and in that catch a glimpse of where God is taking them and the vital role they play in shaping young people. I want them to go bigger and imagine wilder then they have dared to before. I want to join them in praying these things forward for their children and nation. I want to see them wrecked by God.. I want to be wrecked by God with them.
I cannot wait to sit with these precious children, teachers, administrators, and people of God. I cannot wait to learn from them, with them, and to impart what God has given me to impart to them. I am excited to create art with them and I pray these times of art would shatter any limits they may have in expression and creativity and would open floodgates of creativity, freedom and new thinking.
I'm so ready to go. So so ready. Pray for us. Pray that in every second we find ourselves in the center of God's palm in the midst of his will for us, covered and smothered in his goodness, love, mercy and grace. Pray that exactly what God wants to have happen would happen.
I love you. May you find yourself in the place I have just prayed we would be found.
AZ
Sunday, September 1, 2013
EPIC Art
Hi everyone!
Hope you have all been well in the in between of posts. Life on my end is good. Full, but full of good good things.
I have officially logged two weeks of work with EPIC (Everyday Progress in Character Leadership Center). I am loving it! hough it's not necessarily easy. I am learning everything from the overall mission and goals of EPIC, to what it looks like contextualized in Cabrillo Village and Jos, Nigeria, to what it looks like to expand into other locations as doors continue to open, to what it looks like to collaborate with other organizations in the area, to learning the art projects we will do and the "why" behind them, to learning how to operate a MAC, to developing a fundraising letter and strategy, to meeting with experts in the field to learn from them, to meeting and getting to know the board, to preparing for my first trip to AFRICA.... do you see why I say it is full, but good, and not necessarily all easy, but definitely enjoyable?
I think one of my favorite things we did this week was to create artwork. On Friday, three of us took an art class from our art coordinator to learn how to do the projects we will be teaching and doing with Nigerian teachers in a couple weeks in Jos. Here are a couple pics.
It was so fun to create, to express myself in this way. And my team is so encouraging, so sweet and complimentary--It was a really stress relieving, uplifting day.
Another highlight from the week would be Thursday evening, when I met with the team going to Nigeria. I love our team. EAch of us uniquely different, yet each called specifically by God to go. As we spent time in prayer Thursday evening we were filled with hope and could sense God's hope and purpose for this trip--exciting.
I am getting ready to format a mailing list, both electronic and physical mail for people who want to recieve our Si Se Puede Times (a newspaper the Cabrillo kids help to write and design about what's going on) and newsletters, etc. If you would like to be on this, email me at anzirbel@gmail.com and let me know your contact info!
Love you all. Happy Labor Day. May this holiday find you basking in rest and health.
With love
AZ
Hope you have all been well in the in between of posts. Life on my end is good. Full, but full of good good things.
I have officially logged two weeks of work with EPIC (Everyday Progress in Character Leadership Center). I am loving it! hough it's not necessarily easy. I am learning everything from the overall mission and goals of EPIC, to what it looks like contextualized in Cabrillo Village and Jos, Nigeria, to what it looks like to expand into other locations as doors continue to open, to what it looks like to collaborate with other organizations in the area, to learning the art projects we will do and the "why" behind them, to learning how to operate a MAC, to developing a fundraising letter and strategy, to meeting with experts in the field to learn from them, to meeting and getting to know the board, to preparing for my first trip to AFRICA.... do you see why I say it is full, but good, and not necessarily all easy, but definitely enjoyable?
I think one of my favorite things we did this week was to create artwork. On Friday, three of us took an art class from our art coordinator to learn how to do the projects we will be teaching and doing with Nigerian teachers in a couple weeks in Jos. Here are a couple pics.
It was so fun to create, to express myself in this way. And my team is so encouraging, so sweet and complimentary--It was a really stress relieving, uplifting day.
Another highlight from the week would be Thursday evening, when I met with the team going to Nigeria. I love our team. EAch of us uniquely different, yet each called specifically by God to go. As we spent time in prayer Thursday evening we were filled with hope and could sense God's hope and purpose for this trip--exciting.
I am getting ready to format a mailing list, both electronic and physical mail for people who want to recieve our Si Se Puede Times (a newspaper the Cabrillo kids help to write and design about what's going on) and newsletters, etc. If you would like to be on this, email me at anzirbel@gmail.com and let me know your contact info!
Love you all. Happy Labor Day. May this holiday find you basking in rest and health.
With love
AZ
Friday, August 16, 2013
A grateful heart
I'm not sure I even had words to communicate what I hope to communicate today.
Some time has passed between my first post and this one. Time filled with fireworks and school, packing and transitioning, crying and laughing, saying so long and saying hello. I am officially in Ventura, CA right now and as of 1pm today have paid a holding fee on an apartment that is absolutely perfect. It is fully furnished down to the linens, is located in a beautiful area of town, includes all utilities plus laundry, cable and wifi, and is EXACTLY on budget for what EPIC set for me. 7 people looked at this apartment yesterday with more interested in it than that. Today they chose me. To say I am feeling blessed is too small a feeling. But perhaps there is a deeper truth. Perhaps it is not that "feeling blessed" is too small a feeling, but that I have giving too small a meaning to this term. Because blessed is what this is. Papa God lavished on me the perfect place. Friends surrounded me with prayer and hope-filled thinking. My boss offered to give me an amazing reference and is giving me a place to stay in the in between. Friends and family have poured support and encouragement into my life and this journey and adventure. And everything is happening so beautifully, so smoothly and well orchestrated that it can only be credited to the hand of God.
Today I am grateful. Man this last year was hard, and not knowing where the road was taking me was beyond hard. And now as I sit here today, lavender mocha in hand, beach a mile away, mountains in view, overwhelmed by goodness, peace and mercy and I am grateful. Thankful. Overjoyed. The work load is just beginning. There is a lot to do. And some of it's going to be hard. From personal goals to professional and academic goals a lot of things are on the horizon. Some are as simple as running down hill. Some are as challenging as climbing the highest peaks. Man, but all of them are laced in beauty and goodness, awe and wonder. I feel it in my spirit. I am where I am meant to be, in the time I am meant to be here. And that feeling is so good.
Thank you. Thank you for loving me, for supporting me, for being a part of this EPIC journey. It means more to me than I can communicate. Now that I am here and this EPIC journey has begun, expect regular posts. And know that I love you.
Until next time,
AZ
Some time has passed between my first post and this one. Time filled with fireworks and school, packing and transitioning, crying and laughing, saying so long and saying hello. I am officially in Ventura, CA right now and as of 1pm today have paid a holding fee on an apartment that is absolutely perfect. It is fully furnished down to the linens, is located in a beautiful area of town, includes all utilities plus laundry, cable and wifi, and is EXACTLY on budget for what EPIC set for me. 7 people looked at this apartment yesterday with more interested in it than that. Today they chose me. To say I am feeling blessed is too small a feeling. But perhaps there is a deeper truth. Perhaps it is not that "feeling blessed" is too small a feeling, but that I have giving too small a meaning to this term. Because blessed is what this is. Papa God lavished on me the perfect place. Friends surrounded me with prayer and hope-filled thinking. My boss offered to give me an amazing reference and is giving me a place to stay in the in between. Friends and family have poured support and encouragement into my life and this journey and adventure. And everything is happening so beautifully, so smoothly and well orchestrated that it can only be credited to the hand of God.
Today I am grateful. Man this last year was hard, and not knowing where the road was taking me was beyond hard. And now as I sit here today, lavender mocha in hand, beach a mile away, mountains in view, overwhelmed by goodness, peace and mercy and I am grateful. Thankful. Overjoyed. The work load is just beginning. There is a lot to do. And some of it's going to be hard. From personal goals to professional and academic goals a lot of things are on the horizon. Some are as simple as running down hill. Some are as challenging as climbing the highest peaks. Man, but all of them are laced in beauty and goodness, awe and wonder. I feel it in my spirit. I am where I am meant to be, in the time I am meant to be here. And that feeling is so good.
Thank you. Thank you for loving me, for supporting me, for being a part of this EPIC journey. It means more to me than I can communicate. Now that I am here and this EPIC journey has begun, expect regular posts. And know that I love you.
Until next time,
AZ
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
EPIC things are happening.....
A little over a year ago I was sitting in my parent's basement with no idea what was to come. I had just transitioned out of an organization I helped to start and with it had moved back from sunny Los Angeles to hot and humid South Dakota. I knew what my dreams were. I knew what my heart held. But those things seemed so far and distant at the time as I was in need of deep mending and healing to see those things brought forth.
Early on in my time back in South Dakota a dear friend invited me to travel and move overseas with her and join the work she was doing amidst the marginalized and least of these in her context. While this definitely tugged at strings of my heart and was something I wanted to pursue, as I prayed the Lord spoke gently to my spirit and said "You can go and I will bless it. Or you can stay here and see what I have for you." Fighting everything in my flesh I chose to stay and am so thankful I did.
My year in South Dakota holds so many treasures, more than I can begin to share in a blog. While finishing my master's degree I took courses that better equipped me to heal and move forward in my calling, as well as set up on going patterns of renewal and health that will allow me to fully be me and fully serve God in a way that is holistically healthy, honoring, and wise. I found family, grace and unconditional love and acceptance in a place I had written off as hard and dry. I have encountered depths of beauty and hospitality in a place I thought held neither. It was a sweet season with family, getting to travel to Texas twice and visit my sister and her family, and getting to visit my brother and his family more frequently in Wisconsin, not to mention sweet nights of playing cards with mom and pop. I was able to connect with friends that time and distance had hindered in years past, and made new, deep relationships that will remain a part of my life forever. While still on a journey of healing, that's just it: I am on the journey and have engaged the journey with a supportive team behind me. Most of all, I've been able to walk some inner roads with the Lord I perhaps would not have had the grace to walk anyplace else in any other season. I have touched the pits of my soul and have begun to soar the heights of potential and possibility and can say whole heartedly that because of the soul-work of this year I am able to love myself, value myself and care for myself and in that do the same for others in greater ways than I've known before. Because of this year I am so confident of the goodness of God and live in that every day, regardless of circumstances. This has birthed a perspective change--what was once only head knowledge has become a lifestyle and though appearing as a subtle shift, it is HUGE on its implications of my life... and it is good. As I result of this year I can confidently say that I am the healthiest and best I have ever been in my life. While there is still a long road in front of me to walk, today I celebrate that the previous statement is a truth in my life.
Amidst the transformation and changes the soul-work of this season has brought internally, some external changes have happened as well. First on June 1, 2013 I officially graduated with my Master of Arts in Global Urban Leadership from Bakke Graduate University. Yay! Second, on May 30th, 2013 I was officially accepted into the Doctorate of Transformational Leadership with Bakke Graduate University and on July 15, 2013 will begin my first Doctorate class. While bringing me immense joy, it is still sometimes hard for me to believe that this is the path God took me on--I never thought I would be an academic so to speak. Heck, 8 years ago I wasn't sure I was going to go to undergrad, let alone pursue a Doctorate. But God is good and faithful and knows so much better than we, and now that I'm here, I'm convinced I am exactly where I am supposed to be and that I was made for this. What an exciting, perfect place to be. On top of this there is one more exciting piece of news. At the start of May, one of my Bakke professors contacted me and asked me if I would be interested in working for her organization. I was flown to Ventura California where I spent a week interviewing for a position with a non-profit organization called EPIC Leadership Center (epicleadershipcenter.org) and after our time together they and I agreed that, at least for this season, it's a perfect fit. This means in August I will be moving back to Southern California, this time to Ventura! (SoCal friends get pumped! :) haha! ).
Here's the scoop on EPIC. EPIC stands for Everyday Progress In Character. As EPIC's website reads, "The purpose of the EPIC Leadership Center is to engage people to build character in our vulnerable youth and reinforce it with their parents and family by developing everyday leaders throughout marginalized communities, using experiential learning and art as the mediums to produce responsible citizens.
I wish I could adequately explain to you the environment and relationships that exist among the EPIC team via blog because it is this plus the peace from God that have me committing to this organization and wanting to work for them. The best way I can put it is in what the current Founder and Director said to me. It was something along these lines. "Annie, we know you'll make mistakes and we're willing to walk them out with you because we believe in you. Here's the deal. This is a job that could become your life job and that's great, we'd love it. But maybe it doesn't. Our hope is that when the time does come for you to transition you're in a place where you're ready to move forward into what God has for you next and EPIC is in a place where it's ready to move forward with what God has." Lovely right?
Friends, I am so excited about all that is to come. My gifting, talents, passions, dreams and desires all fit so beautifully into this next phase of life from EPIC, to school, to self love and self care and the spaces in between. My heart is bursting with hope-filled anticipation. And yet, perhaps because I'm older and wiser than the first time I packed my car to move to California, I am also very aware that while joyous, exciting, fun and good there are going to be hard parts of this walk and that I am signing up for a sort of boot camp, where I will be growing at an accelerated rate. Like with children, fast growth spurts can bring growing pains. But I have counted the cost, and if it means I have to shed some of my childish ways faster and purge my flesh sooner, while it may cause a wrestle in me, I am so ready to do it because I feel God's heart and goodness in this. I cannot tell you what's to come but I guarantee the end result is good.
For those of you who are more statistical based than story/feeling based, here are the cut and dry facts...plus a few more details :). I am moving to Ventura in August to begin work with EPIC. EPIC is paying for housing, ministry expense, travel, etc. I have committed to fundraise my cost of living for two years (about $1000-$1500/month). I start my doctorate in July. In September I will be traveling with 3 other members of the EPIC team to Nigeria to train Nigerian teachers and scout out/meet with potential future EPIC locations and take my second Doctoral class in Nigeria (one of the MANY reasons I love BGU...I get to learn from and with my Nigerian colleagues in Nigeria. :) )
Today I am in Wisconsin visiting my brother and his family (umm with the sweetest almost two year old EVER!), then am off to visit a few friends in Northern Minnesota. I will be back in South Dakota Monday...Sioux Falls specifically and would love to see any of you I can before I leave. Also, as I mentioned in the above paragraph, I am trying to raise $1500/month for the next two years...and really am trying to do this in a month. Please be praying for me in this--I so feel God's backing behind this and know it's coming in, but would covet your prayers. One of the things I realized after my last experience that was lacking in my life was committed relationships, not just financially, but people that I allowed to be fully invested in me. Part of what I'm developing in a support team is a team of people who are holistically invested in me--who are helping me set health goals and keeping me accountable, who are walking the inner workings of my life with me, who are praying diligently for me and I for them, who are committed to my walk with the Lord and I can be committed to theirs'--as one professor put it I am developing a Board of Trustees for myself...people who invest in me, but the investment goes beyond just financial backing. :) Quick testimony--God is good as I haven't even started fundraising yet and already have $100/month committed by two sweet friends (well four as they are both married couples) who want to holistically invest in me. :) If you would like to be one of AZ's Board of Trustees let me know! I would love to meet with you and have coffee with you before I move. Either email me at anzirbel@gmail.com or Facebook me. :)
On a final note, please save this blog as I have created it specifically to communicate with a larger audience this EPIC journey I am embarking on. My goal is to update weekly.
May the peace, joy, love and hope of God engulf you today in the goodness of his presence.
For now,
AZ
Early on in my time back in South Dakota a dear friend invited me to travel and move overseas with her and join the work she was doing amidst the marginalized and least of these in her context. While this definitely tugged at strings of my heart and was something I wanted to pursue, as I prayed the Lord spoke gently to my spirit and said "You can go and I will bless it. Or you can stay here and see what I have for you." Fighting everything in my flesh I chose to stay and am so thankful I did.
My year in South Dakota holds so many treasures, more than I can begin to share in a blog. While finishing my master's degree I took courses that better equipped me to heal and move forward in my calling, as well as set up on going patterns of renewal and health that will allow me to fully be me and fully serve God in a way that is holistically healthy, honoring, and wise. I found family, grace and unconditional love and acceptance in a place I had written off as hard and dry. I have encountered depths of beauty and hospitality in a place I thought held neither. It was a sweet season with family, getting to travel to Texas twice and visit my sister and her family, and getting to visit my brother and his family more frequently in Wisconsin, not to mention sweet nights of playing cards with mom and pop. I was able to connect with friends that time and distance had hindered in years past, and made new, deep relationships that will remain a part of my life forever. While still on a journey of healing, that's just it: I am on the journey and have engaged the journey with a supportive team behind me. Most of all, I've been able to walk some inner roads with the Lord I perhaps would not have had the grace to walk anyplace else in any other season. I have touched the pits of my soul and have begun to soar the heights of potential and possibility and can say whole heartedly that because of the soul-work of this year I am able to love myself, value myself and care for myself and in that do the same for others in greater ways than I've known before. Because of this year I am so confident of the goodness of God and live in that every day, regardless of circumstances. This has birthed a perspective change--what was once only head knowledge has become a lifestyle and though appearing as a subtle shift, it is HUGE on its implications of my life... and it is good. As I result of this year I can confidently say that I am the healthiest and best I have ever been in my life. While there is still a long road in front of me to walk, today I celebrate that the previous statement is a truth in my life.
Amidst the transformation and changes the soul-work of this season has brought internally, some external changes have happened as well. First on June 1, 2013 I officially graduated with my Master of Arts in Global Urban Leadership from Bakke Graduate University. Yay! Second, on May 30th, 2013 I was officially accepted into the Doctorate of Transformational Leadership with Bakke Graduate University and on July 15, 2013 will begin my first Doctorate class. While bringing me immense joy, it is still sometimes hard for me to believe that this is the path God took me on--I never thought I would be an academic so to speak. Heck, 8 years ago I wasn't sure I was going to go to undergrad, let alone pursue a Doctorate. But God is good and faithful and knows so much better than we, and now that I'm here, I'm convinced I am exactly where I am supposed to be and that I was made for this. What an exciting, perfect place to be. On top of this there is one more exciting piece of news. At the start of May, one of my Bakke professors contacted me and asked me if I would be interested in working for her organization. I was flown to Ventura California where I spent a week interviewing for a position with a non-profit organization called EPIC Leadership Center (epicleadershipcenter.org) and after our time together they and I agreed that, at least for this season, it's a perfect fit. This means in August I will be moving back to Southern California, this time to Ventura! (SoCal friends get pumped! :) haha! ).
Here's the scoop on EPIC. EPIC stands for Everyday Progress In Character. As EPIC's website reads, "The purpose of the EPIC Leadership Center is to engage people to build character in our vulnerable youth and reinforce it with their parents and family by developing everyday leaders throughout marginalized communities, using experiential learning and art as the mediums to produce responsible citizens.
We understand that some missions are simple to fit into a slogan on the back of a tee shirt.
However the mission of EPIC is substantial and requires a clear statement about each facet of what we do. Our goal is to transform the character of vulnerable individuals and their communities. Transformation cannot be equated with change as in a frog becoming a bigger frog. Transformation occurs when a frog becomes a prince. Unlike a fairy tale where transformation happens instantaneously, transforming people in real life almost always happens through taking the next step, then the one after that . . .
However the mission of EPIC is substantial and requires a clear statement about each facet of what we do. Our goal is to transform the character of vulnerable individuals and their communities. Transformation cannot be equated with change as in a frog becoming a bigger frog. Transformation occurs when a frog becomes a prince. Unlike a fairy tale where transformation happens instantaneously, transforming people in real life almost always happens through taking the next step, then the one after that . . .
We Fulfill Our Mission By:
- Recruiting and training both competent professionals and youth in the community at large to become teachers and mentors for EPIC programs in marginalized communities;
- Partnering with the Josephson Institute in Youth Ethics to provide character training for EPIC leaders and students;
- Implementing Everyday Parenting classes for parents of our students where they learn effective strategies for reinforcing our character training;
- Developing everyday leaders in at-risk neighborhoods so that moral and ethical solutions to issues like violence, substance abuse, and gang related behaviors will come from deep within the community;
- Produce responsible citizens through art process workshops and interaction with the larger community. "
I wish I could adequately explain to you the environment and relationships that exist among the EPIC team via blog because it is this plus the peace from God that have me committing to this organization and wanting to work for them. The best way I can put it is in what the current Founder and Director said to me. It was something along these lines. "Annie, we know you'll make mistakes and we're willing to walk them out with you because we believe in you. Here's the deal. This is a job that could become your life job and that's great, we'd love it. But maybe it doesn't. Our hope is that when the time does come for you to transition you're in a place where you're ready to move forward into what God has for you next and EPIC is in a place where it's ready to move forward with what God has." Lovely right?
Friends, I am so excited about all that is to come. My gifting, talents, passions, dreams and desires all fit so beautifully into this next phase of life from EPIC, to school, to self love and self care and the spaces in between. My heart is bursting with hope-filled anticipation. And yet, perhaps because I'm older and wiser than the first time I packed my car to move to California, I am also very aware that while joyous, exciting, fun and good there are going to be hard parts of this walk and that I am signing up for a sort of boot camp, where I will be growing at an accelerated rate. Like with children, fast growth spurts can bring growing pains. But I have counted the cost, and if it means I have to shed some of my childish ways faster and purge my flesh sooner, while it may cause a wrestle in me, I am so ready to do it because I feel God's heart and goodness in this. I cannot tell you what's to come but I guarantee the end result is good.
For those of you who are more statistical based than story/feeling based, here are the cut and dry facts...plus a few more details :). I am moving to Ventura in August to begin work with EPIC. EPIC is paying for housing, ministry expense, travel, etc. I have committed to fundraise my cost of living for two years (about $1000-$1500/month). I start my doctorate in July. In September I will be traveling with 3 other members of the EPIC team to Nigeria to train Nigerian teachers and scout out/meet with potential future EPIC locations and take my second Doctoral class in Nigeria (one of the MANY reasons I love BGU...I get to learn from and with my Nigerian colleagues in Nigeria. :) )
Today I am in Wisconsin visiting my brother and his family (umm with the sweetest almost two year old EVER!), then am off to visit a few friends in Northern Minnesota. I will be back in South Dakota Monday...Sioux Falls specifically and would love to see any of you I can before I leave. Also, as I mentioned in the above paragraph, I am trying to raise $1500/month for the next two years...and really am trying to do this in a month. Please be praying for me in this--I so feel God's backing behind this and know it's coming in, but would covet your prayers. One of the things I realized after my last experience that was lacking in my life was committed relationships, not just financially, but people that I allowed to be fully invested in me. Part of what I'm developing in a support team is a team of people who are holistically invested in me--who are helping me set health goals and keeping me accountable, who are walking the inner workings of my life with me, who are praying diligently for me and I for them, who are committed to my walk with the Lord and I can be committed to theirs'--as one professor put it I am developing a Board of Trustees for myself...people who invest in me, but the investment goes beyond just financial backing. :) Quick testimony--God is good as I haven't even started fundraising yet and already have $100/month committed by two sweet friends (well four as they are both married couples) who want to holistically invest in me. :) If you would like to be one of AZ's Board of Trustees let me know! I would love to meet with you and have coffee with you before I move. Either email me at anzirbel@gmail.com or Facebook me. :)
On a final note, please save this blog as I have created it specifically to communicate with a larger audience this EPIC journey I am embarking on. My goal is to update weekly.
May the peace, joy, love and hope of God engulf you today in the goodness of his presence.
For now,
AZ
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