God is so funny. Two years ago I had a vision where I was with the Lord in a sweet place, a place of intimacy, a place of deep pondering, a place of his heart, looking out a window. I should fill in here that often I see the Lord like a lion, and in this vision that is in fact what he was. He was a lion looking out the window, almost sad, like he was thinking about something that troubled his heart. Then I was with him around a strategizing table with blueprints spread out. I saw his paws spill wine and then walk over the blue prints, putting big red wine stained paw prints on them. I followed him as he walked and the next image was me holding little dark skinned children and I knew the Lord was saying more than strategy, what matters is to love them and love them well.
Around this same time my heart began to ache for the children of my neighborhood. At the time I lived in East Hollywood and had learned about various gangs that existed there. Part of the initiation process for a certain gang that started in this neighborhood was killing. 7-9 year olds seeking to be in the gang were told to kill as many of the rival gang as they could--whoever had the most kills was in. My heart wrenched at this--I thought "we talk about child soldiers overseas and in wars, but we never address the child soldiers and the daily wars existing in our backyard." Though this was a reality in my heart, I didn't know what to do with it. So I did what I could--I loved the neighborhood and prayed.
When the time came to transition from Los Angeles for a season, I received prayer and the word given to me was that I would be like the Pied Piper, leading the children nobody wanted.
This began to stir things in me. When I first came to know the Lord and felt a call to missions my heart was drawn to go overseas and start an orphanage and love the lost and forgotten children. As I grew in the Lord he began to reveal more of his calling to me--that I was made for social justice, for leadership, for systemic change, for reformation. This led to various years working to combat sex trafficking, forced prostitution and systemic poverty. Yet even in that season I was drawn to children and youth. I didn't know how to make the two world collide, but I knew God was shifting things in me and bringing forth different desires of my heart.
As I spent a year at home, I would watch movies like "Freedom Writers" and pray things like "Lord I want to be like that. I want to make an impact on youth. If you can teach them you can change the neighborhood and a society." I took a class on emotionally intelligent leadership and sparked in me was a desire to train others in what I had learned; to set up resource centers for children and parents to learn how to take care of themselves and love each other well. I thought about going to school for education, for law, for human rights... for something that could open doors to do what I wanted to do, what was still forming in me. I was looking for the how of my desires.
Then out of the blue I was offered a job that brought it all together. EPIC works with children, youth and families teaching everyday leadership so that people can be empowered to become the change they wish to see in their context and lead others in true leadership; embodying the Golden Rule. I'm working stateside with at-risk and vulnerable youth and children. Tomorrow I get to fly overseas with an amazing team and help train Nigerian teachers how to become critical thinkers so that they can help their students become critical thinkers who live out moral and ethical character in everyday leadership. I'm living the desires of my heart. I'm living out the dreams and visions God gave me.
You know, people have asked if I'm worried or nervous going. Not at all. I'm actually really excited and feel an anticipation in my heart and spirit about what God is going to do. I look forward to making new friends and holding these precious kiddos. I already love them.
As I wrote this tonight in reflection on going to Africa tomorrow, this is what I'm thinking and want you to pray with me. Where I am today started with dreams,visions and desires years ago. I think God does something in our dreams and visions that allows us to carry out what he is asking us to do...like they serve as a preparation for things to come. They prepare our hearts to respond, to hope, to dream things we haven't imagined. I want this for Nigeria. I want the work we do to spark in the teachers there dreams for their pupils, dreams for their nations, dreams for themselves they never thought possible. I want them to encounter God's heart for their nation and in that catch a glimpse of where God is taking them and the vital role they play in shaping young people. I want them to go bigger and imagine wilder then they have dared to before. I want to join them in praying these things forward for their children and nation. I want to see them wrecked by God.. I want to be wrecked by God with them.
I cannot wait to sit with these precious children, teachers, administrators, and people of God. I cannot wait to learn from them, with them, and to impart what God has given me to impart to them. I am excited to create art with them and I pray these times of art would shatter any limits they may have in expression and creativity and would open floodgates of creativity, freedom and new thinking.
I'm so ready to go. So so ready. Pray for us. Pray that in every second we find ourselves in the center of God's palm in the midst of his will for us, covered and smothered in his goodness, love, mercy and grace. Pray that exactly what God wants to have happen would happen.
I love you. May you find yourself in the place I have just prayed we would be found.
AZ
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