My life. Wow. When I was little, maybe four or five, I told my parents I was moving to California. Who would guess that little girl was right? Even through my darker years in Middle School and High School I always wanted to travel, have adventure, and live a life of purpose. I just never thought this is what it would look like. I am beyond blessed.
However, as a child there were a few things I didn't anticipate along the way: sexual abuse, heart-ache, disappointment, rejection, loss, and betrayal. Rather than deal with them right away, I chose a life of addictions. 8 years ago I encountered the reality of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, and my life has never been the same.
I have faced trials, I've overcome monsters, I've wrestled with the inner core of myself and with God. And now the time has come to do these things again.
Externally the battle that will be seen is my battle with weight. But this isn't the major battle. The major battle is internal, in my mind. The major battle is with the thoughts that hold me captive. The major thought is "who you are is wrong and unworthy of love."
I have no idea what this process is going to look like, but I've said yes to the journey. And it's exciting if you really think about. I mean, what makes for a good story? An evil villain (in this case my thoughts and past and the demons that conjure them up), an epic adventure, and an unlikely hero. Check, check, and check. And what I love about doing this with God is that his promise is that all things will work together for good for those who love him. And through the ups and downs of the past year, that hasn't changed. I love him. So regardless of what happens, I know good will come. (Please remind me of this when I'm in the middle of walking through this fire screaming "It hurts--I don't want to!")
On top of this transformational process, I am also planning to complete 28 doctoral credits by December 31st, 2014 in hopes of having my thesis written and completed for graduation in June, 2015. I have also committed myself to EPIC Leadership Center. I work with amazing people, and so one of my goals for this year (and the next..and probable for as long as I'm with the organization), is to learn and be shaped into the leader God would have me to be within the organization. In English, I want to be worthy of the call and know at the end of each day I've done my absolute best and left it all on the field. That actually goes for my whole life.
My plan is to blog about my journey. I will either post a personal post, like this one, that is more my musings and ramblings on life and the personal journey God has me on, or I will post an educational or professional transformation post (or whatever other titles come up along the way). My hope is to invite you into my transformational process and journey. Plus, blogging keeps me reflective and honest on my experiences in life, meaning it's a beneficial discipline for me to engage in, even if no one reads this. :)
I would love your comments, encouragements, thoughts, etc if you have any when you read this.
Well, for now, I'm out. I think I'm going back to the gym....I think...I've been there once...but maybe a two a day would be good?! Dilemmas. :)
With love,
AZ
Friday, January 10, 2014
Ramblings on Transitions and Transformations
After a three month blogging break I'm back.
It's hard to describe my transition back into full time ministry and back to Southern California. In many ways it has been amazing. I work with an incredible team of people, so diverse in personalities and gifts, yet holding love firm. I love the kiddos. I couldn't ask for a better Board of Directors (loving, supportive, and fully engaged in the process). I enjoy dreaming and strategizing about what's next for EPIC. And they fully equip me and train me to do what I need to do and what they ask me to do. They encourage me to take care of me in the midst of carrying out the work we have to do. It's such a HEALTHY environment.
Yet it's been difficult in some aspects too. Everything happened so quickly. As of March last year, I had no idea what I was going to do. I feel like it was an "and suddenly" season for me. I decided towards the beginning of April that I wanted to pursue my doctorate through BGU, and realized although I was hurt and nervous to jump back into ministry, it really was where I belonged. I began making plans to move to Ecuador to work with sex-trafficking issues. Then,out of the blue, I'm offered this amazing opportunity with EPIC that hits on all of the core dreams in my heart; passions and desires the Lord had been arousing me throughout the last three years. I said yes, and from there I feel like life has been a non-stop whirlwind, where I'm trying to catch my breath. I miss friends and family. And probably hardest of all, in many ways it feels like I'm starting all over again, building a new life in a new place. Aspects of this are exciting--super exciting actually and fill me with joy and hope-filled expectation--but aspects of this are difficult. Especially because there are parts of my heart that are still tender as a result of what happened the last time around.
I feel like in a weird way these first few months here were full of soul searching. At the same time, aspects of life felt like a machine that had been turned off for a while, and was slowly beginning to spin back into motion (think old gears starting to turn and crank, like an old-school train starting and gaining speed).
The word the Lord gave me for this season was rebirthing. In John 3:3 Jesus said "Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again." In Romans we read "be transformed by the renewing of your mind" and in Corinthians "we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." As I reflect on my rebirthing season, I'm realizing what I'm in is a deeper level of transformation. The Lord is transforming me. We talk about transformation a lot at EPIC, as our hope through our work is partner in transforming vulnerable communities into thriving, healthy, and holistic communities. Transformation is the process of a frog becoming a prince.
Transformation is a process, one we are to daily be involved with as Christians. As I participate in this season of life I'm realizing how short I've sold this idea of transformation, and how important it is for us as individuals and communities to constantly be involved in the transformation process if we want to see global change. What I mean is we have to be transforming if we want to invite the world into transformation. It's not a one time thing. It's an ongoing thing. Daily be transformed.
As I press in to all 2014 has for me, I am pressing into my own personal transformation process. I know when all is said and done, I won't recognize myself. And you know what, that's ok. I've been afraid of letting go for so long, but I know God, I know who he is and what he does, and if he's asking me to pursue this journey, I trust him fully, whatever the results.
Until next time,
Annie
It's hard to describe my transition back into full time ministry and back to Southern California. In many ways it has been amazing. I work with an incredible team of people, so diverse in personalities and gifts, yet holding love firm. I love the kiddos. I couldn't ask for a better Board of Directors (loving, supportive, and fully engaged in the process). I enjoy dreaming and strategizing about what's next for EPIC. And they fully equip me and train me to do what I need to do and what they ask me to do. They encourage me to take care of me in the midst of carrying out the work we have to do. It's such a HEALTHY environment.
Yet it's been difficult in some aspects too. Everything happened so quickly. As of March last year, I had no idea what I was going to do. I feel like it was an "and suddenly" season for me. I decided towards the beginning of April that I wanted to pursue my doctorate through BGU, and realized although I was hurt and nervous to jump back into ministry, it really was where I belonged. I began making plans to move to Ecuador to work with sex-trafficking issues. Then,out of the blue, I'm offered this amazing opportunity with EPIC that hits on all of the core dreams in my heart; passions and desires the Lord had been arousing me throughout the last three years. I said yes, and from there I feel like life has been a non-stop whirlwind, where I'm trying to catch my breath. I miss friends and family. And probably hardest of all, in many ways it feels like I'm starting all over again, building a new life in a new place. Aspects of this are exciting--super exciting actually and fill me with joy and hope-filled expectation--but aspects of this are difficult. Especially because there are parts of my heart that are still tender as a result of what happened the last time around.
I feel like in a weird way these first few months here were full of soul searching. At the same time, aspects of life felt like a machine that had been turned off for a while, and was slowly beginning to spin back into motion (think old gears starting to turn and crank, like an old-school train starting and gaining speed).
The word the Lord gave me for this season was rebirthing. In John 3:3 Jesus said "Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again." In Romans we read "be transformed by the renewing of your mind" and in Corinthians "we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." As I reflect on my rebirthing season, I'm realizing what I'm in is a deeper level of transformation. The Lord is transforming me. We talk about transformation a lot at EPIC, as our hope through our work is partner in transforming vulnerable communities into thriving, healthy, and holistic communities. Transformation is the process of a frog becoming a prince.
Transformation is a process, one we are to daily be involved with as Christians. As I participate in this season of life I'm realizing how short I've sold this idea of transformation, and how important it is for us as individuals and communities to constantly be involved in the transformation process if we want to see global change. What I mean is we have to be transforming if we want to invite the world into transformation. It's not a one time thing. It's an ongoing thing. Daily be transformed.
As I press in to all 2014 has for me, I am pressing into my own personal transformation process. I know when all is said and done, I won't recognize myself. And you know what, that's ok. I've been afraid of letting go for so long, but I know God, I know who he is and what he does, and if he's asking me to pursue this journey, I trust him fully, whatever the results.
Until next time,
Annie
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