My life. Wow. When I was little, maybe four or five, I told my parents I was moving to California. Who would guess that little girl was right? Even through my darker years in Middle School and High School I always wanted to travel, have adventure, and live a life of purpose. I just never thought this is what it would look like. I am beyond blessed.
However, as a child there were a few things I didn't anticipate along the way: sexual abuse, heart-ache, disappointment, rejection, loss, and betrayal. Rather than deal with them right away, I chose a life of addictions. 8 years ago I encountered the reality of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, and my life has never been the same.
I have faced trials, I've overcome monsters, I've wrestled with the inner core of myself and with God. And now the time has come to do these things again.
Externally the battle that will be seen is my battle with weight. But this isn't the major battle. The major battle is internal, in my mind. The major battle is with the thoughts that hold me captive. The major thought is "who you are is wrong and unworthy of love."
I have no idea what this process is going to look like, but I've said yes to the journey. And it's exciting if you really think about. I mean, what makes for a good story? An evil villain (in this case my thoughts and past and the demons that conjure them up), an epic adventure, and an unlikely hero. Check, check, and check. And what I love about doing this with God is that his promise is that all things will work together for good for those who love him. And through the ups and downs of the past year, that hasn't changed. I love him. So regardless of what happens, I know good will come. (Please remind me of this when I'm in the middle of walking through this fire screaming "It hurts--I don't want to!")
On top of this transformational process, I am also planning to complete 28 doctoral credits by December 31st, 2014 in hopes of having my thesis written and completed for graduation in June, 2015. I have also committed myself to EPIC Leadership Center. I work with amazing people, and so one of my goals for this year (and the next..and probable for as long as I'm with the organization), is to learn and be shaped into the leader God would have me to be within the organization. In English, I want to be worthy of the call and know at the end of each day I've done my absolute best and left it all on the field. That actually goes for my whole life.
My plan is to blog about my journey. I will either post a personal post, like this one, that is more my musings and ramblings on life and the personal journey God has me on, or I will post an educational or professional transformation post (or whatever other titles come up along the way). My hope is to invite you into my transformational process and journey. Plus, blogging keeps me reflective and honest on my experiences in life, meaning it's a beneficial discipline for me to engage in, even if no one reads this. :)
I would love your comments, encouragements, thoughts, etc if you have any when you read this.
Well, for now, I'm out. I think I'm going back to the gym....I think...I've been there once...but maybe a two a day would be good?! Dilemmas. :)
With love,
AZ
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